For much of my life I struggled with a deep sense of unworthiness. This feeling originated from multiple situations in my young life which instilled and reinforced that I wasn’t “good”. Shame was part of this mixture. I was ashamed of having bathroom ‘accidents’ beyond when I ‘should’. I was ashamed of what I believed was my ‘unnatural’ curiousity with sexuality. I felt bad. I felt ‘naughty’. I felt dirty. Later in life this shame drove me deeper into my sin because I didn’t believe that I could change. Shame is, at its core, a belief about our essense and value. I believed I was broken so I did my best to ‘be good’ and hide from others the things that proved I was not.
I recently read a profound quote:
Guilt is behavior-focused, and shame is identity-focused. Guilt says, “I did something disgusting” while shame says, “I am disgusting.”
Discuss: How does a person handle guilt differently from shame?
Guilt can drive us towards God
- Psalm 32:5: Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.
- 1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
- James 4:8: Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
… or away from Him
- Genesis 3:8: Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
- Matthew 27:3-5: When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. ‘I have sinned,’ he said, ‘for I have betrayed innocent blood.’ ‘What is that to us?’ they replied. ‘That’s your responsibility.’ So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.
Discuss: What determines whether guilt drives us toward God or away from Him?
Jesus defeated shame
- Hebrews 12:2: looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
- 1 Peter 2:6: “For in Scripture it says: ‘See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.‘”
There is no room for shame when you’re in Jesus
- Romans 10:11: For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
- Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
- Psalm 34:4-5: I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
Discuss: Can we break agreement with the false identity of shame right now?